June 28, 2015 § 2 Comments
I am merely considering the possibility that the entire human species might get wiped out of the earth because procreation stops because everyone goes against nature. Everyone goes homosexual.
When I heard about the US Supreme Court’s ruling making same sex marriage a right nationwide, I thought about some friendhappy mostly because it means a lot to all gay people out there and I have a lot of friends and cousins who are in same sex relationships. Although here in the Philippines, we need to revise the laws to allow that to happen. Still, it’s a huge thing. It’s a big start that caused worldwide celebration.
The ruling changed the universal concept of marriage as the union of a man and a woman for them to meet the vital need to conceive children. Gone are the days of the caveman and the cavewoman who, apart from hunting for food, acted out the important instinct to procreate so that the entire human species will continue to proliferate.
Of course, we still do– couples who would like to conceive children continue to copulate to procreate. But most of us millenials (Generation Y, born between the 1980’s to the 2000’s) avoid having kids as much as possible. We don’t want added responsibility. For now. We want to become financially stable first. Others have selfish reasons like not wanting pregnancy to ruin their bodies. Perhaps someday but not now. Some just don’t want to have kids. Period.
And of course, according to a study, a whooping 20% percent of the US population are part of the LGBT community. I wonder what the statistics is in the Philippines but I know for a fact that their population is not small. Herson tells me that maybe someday there will be a technology that will allow same sex couples to procreate. Perhaps in the future, lesbians would be able to inseminate and gay men would be able to conceive. But what if that doesn’t happen? What if everyone in the future can not bear to be in a heterosexual relationship? And what if in 1,000 years, the entire world becomes not even LGBT but a homosexual community?
That’s how I came up with the weirdest doomsday theory. I know we have enough of those– zombie apocalypse, alien invasion, climate change, robot uprising, pandemic infections — the possibilities are endless. We are the most paranoid specie in the planet. But I am not acting out of paranoia. I am not narrowminded. I am not mocking gay people out there. I am merely considering the possibility that the entire human species might get wiped out of the earth because procreation stops because everyone goes against nature. Everyone goes homosexual. I am not kidding and I am not being funny or anything. What if?
Just kidding. I know my doomsday theory is perhaps the result of seeing my male cat wooing another male cat (Panda is gay! 😁). Let us all be happy. Gay or not, we know love will always win. 😉
January 28, 2015 § 3 Comments
I woke up today feeling so terrible. At first, I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps because one of my friends recently passed away. Or perhaps, because I can’t seem to decide what I really want to do with my life at this point. Perhaps I feel rejected. Perhaps I’m going through some personal issues, what they call quarter-life crisis.. Could that be it? This kind of feeling manifests itself like twice, or thrice a year. My initial reaction is always this: I curl up into this tiny ball of grief. I cry a little, laugh a little, then think, think and think. I try to go back to sleep and when I can’t, try as I might, i do stuff, just because. There’s no purpose, that’s what it feels like whenever I feel this way. Maybe the schizophrenic in me starts crawling in again. Lol.
While I was walking on my way to work today, a thought struck me. Suddenly, I was thinking the unthinkable. What makes it worse is that I am entertaining these terrible thoughts. I convinced myself that I am simply overreacting. Perhaps I am.
Right at this moment, I just want to be alone, feel alone, think alone and decide alone. I value my solitude. I always did. I need to think things through alone, and I need to feel alone. But something tells me that that is not right. Maybe it is not. But it is never wrong to feel lonely sometimes– it gives you that feeling that you will miss someone eventually. It is never wrong to be selfish sometimes. So that you can make more important sacrifices in this life. And sometimes, you need to feel weak to understand how important it is to get back up on your feet again.
I hate what I am feeling right now. I can’t help but hurt the people closest to me by acting out this terrible feeling. Nobody needs this shit
When I was in the train, I wanted the fucking glass door to disappear so I could jump out, into the traffic of lights down below.
Perhaps, I could still fake this.
Perhaps I am just this attention-fucking-whore.
January 15, 2015 § 7 Comments
I wasn’t expecting you, love.
You are not the man I wanted.
You are not the skin and scars I saw in my slumber.
You are beautiful, you are careless sophistication.
You stirred in me a passion deeper than what the senses could perceive..
You are more captivating than the beauty that the eyes could see..
More than fire that the skin could ignite.
You are more than flesh and bones.
You are more than flesh and bones.
Your words– my hope– reawakening my heart’s desires..
I thirst for your touch.
Your mind, brilliant mind, is my sanctuary.
Your eyes, two large orbs allowing me a glimpse into your soul, I love to kiss.
You are beautiful,– soul, mind and body.
No, you are not the man I asked for. I wanted the best. But you, are different.
You, are better than all the best combined.
January 14, 2015 § Leave a comment
You are pretty.
Your skin is clear– unscarred, unscathed.
Your face is of an angel, your stare is gentle, your smile sparkles.
Those muscles well-toned, your physique is built into perfection, built to defend someone. And you move as though the world revolves around you.
But you are only pretty. You are nothing else.
Your arms should be wrapped around her in passionate embrace, but, no, they are guilty of strangling her lovely neck. Your hands are to touch her face, hold her hands, and the small of her back but you turn them into fists, slap her face, punch her sides, and pummel her until she is a bloody pulp. Your lips, are meant to kiss her gently on the lips but the venom you spit poisons her. Your words are supposed to be sweet caress on her ears but, alas, they hurt like blade stuck into the heart. You are not a man. You are a murderer. Her body is still alive, but her soul is torn apart. Can’t you see, she is barely breathing!
Now tell me with all the honesty you could muster: are you a man?
You are nothing. Nothing but your looks.
To S. — you are a brave woman.
November 7, 2014 § 1 Comment
They say too much of something, even a good thing, can be very bad. For sometime, I absolutely believed in that. Like when you eat too much green mango and you get that searing pain on your teeth. But it is hard to imagine how a good thing like green mango can be bad until your teeth start aching.. Like love. They say when you love someone too much, one day you will get hurt.
Too much is never good they say. But I don’t know about that now. What I do know is I love you, and I know that it is too much and it’s something that I can’t help. I can’t imagine not loving you. It has become a part of who I am. The need to love you is like the need of the lungs for air. Of the heart to pump blood. Of the blood for water. I just can not, not love you.
I can guess what’s going on inside their minds. They might be thinking that what we have is a whirlwind romance. If it indeed is, then I don’t see anything wrong with it. But the truth is it could be anything. It could be anything we choose to. But I consider it anything but whirlwind. Since that day when we first interacted, I fell in love with you. I fell in love with you slowly and then all at once.
You used to tell me before we met that I am this girl who will break your heart. Surprising to hear that from someone I haven’t even met. Impossible. Your heart will only be broken by someone you love. And you said I’ll figure out what you were trying to tell me. Now I do..
The little things in life are sometimes all that really matters. They are somehow overlooked, perhaps because of their size.. Albeit the size, they carry more weight than all the others. Everyday, I am learning you. There are a few times when our familiarity with each other goes past the recognizable stage. There’s still so much to learn. I know it’s not going to be easy. But I am not afraid. Everyday, I am trying to learn you. Like how you are a man of your words. How you would do things for me, that others wouldn’t do or would have done. How you put my needs ahead of yours every time we are together. Even when we are not together.
Today, I woke up and felt so inadequate. I am not sure anymore if I can keep up with this train of thoughts because it is moving way too fast. Everything happened way too fast. But I am not about to stop, I am trying to find a way to continue. It’s hard and I will try not to be too comfortable with the easy part.
Everyday I am learning you like I am rediscovering a habit I have somehow picked up again after not doing it for quite a long time.
You have been writing about me for quite while now and I can’t help but blink and rub my eyes, everytime I see my name right at the bottom of your post and I can’t help but sigh. I have to believe everything I am seeing with my two eyes, right? Even if I do not know lots of things.. Even if some things just can’t be.. Because, ever since I met you, I started believing that everything is possible. You make things possible for me. And I am not only talking about the things that the senses can perceive. It’s a whole lot more than that. You are my utopia. There’s nothing more that I could ask for.