When a Girl Wonders

If I ask you now to walk towards me, would you.

When will I stop wondering.

But I need not hear any response right now. This ain’t an inquisition. No question marks. I did not ask a single question. I am just a girl, wondering.

I’d like to watch you work. When you work, do you stare into space at first, and think and think and think until you have decided what or how to do or start it. Or do you just do outright whatever it is that you do. I am like that most of the time. I just get the whole thing done once and for all, but on rare occasions, I take sometime to think about it. I think you like to think and think and think first.

Write. Write for me. I wonder how you hold your pen. Do you hold them between your middle finger and thumb. Or do you use your thumb, middle finger and index finger like an inverted tripod, like I do, with the fingers pressing on the pen. Or do you fold the middle finger against it. Or do you encircle the pen with your palm the way you would stab ice. That would look funny. Funny-cute, not funny-weird. Have you ever seen anyone hold pens like that. And what is the ink color you like most when you write. Is it black. Everybody opts for black. Or do you prefer using a lead pencil. Do you sketch. Do you sketch the living, or houses and still objects.

When you read a novel, do you wear glasses. Before you read, do you finger the pages, feel the texture of the paper and the embossed ink across the cover. Do you smell the paper like I do, and if you do, do you also close your eyes and think, ‘The smell of paper. Wood. Brown. I can barely smell the ink, but it’s there.’ When you start reading, do you pause after every passage and ruminate over a particular phrase you like, and do you bookmark or highlight the words or do you note them down on your notebook or on your smartphone’s notepad like I always do. Do you imagine yourself on the characters’ shoes, or do you watch them on this movie you create inside your head as you progress through the pages. I always do that.

Sometimes, the eyes tire from reading, so you do something else. Like play the guitar. When you play the guitar, do you sing along and get lost with the music you are creating, get lost in an entirely different world, you and your guitar alone. Do you like to play by your lonesome. I wonder how you play the guitar. I’d like to imagine that I am your guitar and you would hold me close to your body, lay me across your lap, my hair the tuning keys, my face and neck the fretboard.. Strum the chords across my chest, pluck the strings on my belly, slam your fingers all over my torso, play with every string, your fingers finding the right keys.. And I would feel you in areas of my body where your hands are nowhere near.. Will you play me the way you would your guitar.

Play. When you play ball, do you play around or are you competitive and like to win most of the time. I think you seldom lose your cool when you lose. I’d like to think that you do it the way it is supposed to be– all play, and fun, nothing really serious. Do you sweat a lot when you play. Change your sweaty shirt. When you take your shirt off, do you hold the edge of your shirt up inside out as they slide up from your torso and arms. Or do you put your arms inside through the arm holes and squirm out of the shirt the way I do so it doesn’t get turned inside-out. Can I take your shirt off now so you could shower. How quick do you take showers. And when you shower, do you like how the shower spray sprinkle water all over your head, how the water trickles down your neck, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, chest, groin, hips, thighs, legs, feet..

I bet you get real hungry after a game so I guess you have to eat after showering. Eat. Do you use spoon and fork, or can you do it with just a spoon, or do you know how to use chop sticks. Or do you eat with your hands. I do, sometimes. The food tastes different, tastier, whenever I use my hands to eat. When you eat, do you gobble your food down, or do you chew them slowly and taste and try to guess what each particular taste is, every ingredient and spice, and do you often guess them right. Do you feel good when you guess the ingredient right, and if you don’t, do you take note of the taste and research it later. Do you eat anything, everything. Do you get excited, like I do, when it is time for you to eat.. Like it is always your first time to eat..

After a heavy meal, it is normal to feel sleepy. Sleep. When you sleep, do you look like you are smiling. No, I think not. I imagine you look serious when you sleep, all business, like sleeping is just another thing you need to do everyday, like working or walking and maybe you are wishing that you could skip it because it is a waste of time, but you need it. Still, you may be thinking it’s a waste of time. Sleeping is just another action word which doesn’t really require any action at all. When you sleep, do your eyes fully close, or are they one-fourths open. I know someone who sleeps with their eyes one-fourths open. It’s weird, it looks like the sleeper is three-fourths asleep, one-fourths awake. Quite a feat, don’t you think. No, I am guessing that you sleep with your eyes fully closed. When you close your eyes, do you close them like a mid-blink. Mid-blink. When you blink, the eyes close fast and open fast, but when you do a mid-blink, you close your eyes fast and don’t open them again until you wake up– and that’s the time the full blink is completed. Or do you close them slowly, like when you’re trying not to sleep, but you are feeling so drowsy and you’re trying to fight it but you just can’t so, slowly, your eyelids drop until you doze off. The eyelids are the least touched part of our face. Least touched by another person. I’d like to touch your eyelids, kiss them even, because how often do we get kisses on the eyelids. The lips get a lot of kisses as they are made for kissing and lip balms. The cheeks get a lot of kisses too but not as much. The forehead, as well, and the tip of the nose. Sometimes, the ears get kissed and nibbled at. But rarely the eyelids. So I will kiss your eyelids, both of them, before you sleep and before you wake up.

When you wake up, do you sit on your bed at first and try to remember about that dream you had, or try to remember if you dreamed of anything at all. What is the first thought that comes to your mind when you wake up. Do you think of someone, a person dear to your heart, or do you resume thinking about all the little nuances we think about everyday like paying the bills, feeding the dog, buying the book you’ve heard about recently or is your mind blank and you respond to your body’s bidding first things first and go to the bathroom and do your thing. Walk. When you walk, do you do it at a very slow or a very fast pace. Are you slightly bow-legged or slightly knock-kneed. Do you strut, walk in large and long strides, or do you walk that plain old walk. I think you walk as normal as can be.

If I ask you now to walk towards me, would you.

When will I stop wondering.

But I need not hear any response right now. This ain’t an inquisition. No question marks. I did not ask a single question. I am just a girl, wondering.

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “When a Girl Wonders

  1. Sigh. I wish someone would write this beautiful piece for me. Whoever the person is who has made the girl in the story wonder is one lucky guy. I wish I was him. 🙂

    Your post is very inspiring. The most inspiring, actually, among the ones that you have written so far. And the details are just wow! 😀

      1. This one in particular:

        “I’d like to imagine that I am your guitar and you would hold me close to your body, lay me across your lap, my hair the tuning keys, my face and neck the fretboard.. Strum the chords across my chest, pluck the strings on my belly, slam your fingers all over my torso, play with every string, your fingers finding the right keys..”

        Hnnngggg I can imagine what you’re trying to portray here. Romantic! 🙂

      2. I had to research the parts of the guitar, youknerrr. Glad you like it. I was having second thoughts whether I should include the entire paragraph or not. It’s too intense.. once you start picturing it in your mind. Hihi

      3. I’m the only one awake in the house right now, and I’m smiling myself silly at your sense of wonder. I just hope none of the other people in the house would suddenly awaken and walk by and catch me with this grin haha! I blame my imagination. 😀

      4. Hahahh. I wonder what you look like with that silly smile on your face. Sooo did you ever wonder what your guitar feels like? Wondered whether it misses your fingers? Wondered whether it liked/likes being played at? 😉

      5. Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was kidding! (I guess I should have said that in the first place). Such a worrywart, like me haha! 😀 One day, me and my guitar will play all kinds of music we can take. I can’t wait for that day. But as they say: “Patience, grasshopper.” 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s