Remember.

It’s pointless, unstable and ridiculous and everything in between. It’s tiring. It’s wasting my time. It’s over, if you know what I mean.

Remember.

I know you said you love me– you could’t have stressed that more. You want to get back with me but what the heck is that shit about you wanting me to end up with someone much better than you because you don’t want my life ruined by some douchebag and you didn’t really mean to say you’re one of them right because that’s a whole lot of crap. What’s that supposed to mean, that this is a temporary thing? Either you’re too insecure, well join the club.. Or you don’t want me enough cus if you do, you’d be willing to change and do a bit of something for yourself and stop being the sedentary bum that you are. Oops my bad though that’s true, baby. But I didn’t give a fuck ’bout that pls stop being practical and logical and wtfcknot because there’s nothing practical or logical about love. I told you to get off my case that’s not for you to worry ’bout and don’t put me on the hotseat telling me I could do so much better.

You tell me there’s just ‘us’ at the moment, or ‘you and me’, whichever you prefer. That what we have is “ours”. Bullshit. If you have no faith in me then I have no reason to put my trust in you… Yes, it is easy to let things be as they are and that you don’t need me to say a thing and you don’t need to tell me anything. You want for us to leave things as they are so we don’t need to fight, so we’ll just be “us” and go on. Because you love me. But for how long?

News flash: love is not just a feeling it requires action. That’s why they call it making love. And I am not just talking about that particular act. Remember how it took me so long not to give up on you. I may have looked elsewhere but by the end of the day it’s always been you in my mind.. I’ve given up a long time ago to try to change you. You were comfortable where you were and I respected that, that’s why I chose to leave things as they were. But if you are worried about the others and what they have to say then fuck it I have no desire to put up with this. That’s why its “us” its “our” relationship not “theirs”… They can give their opinions they can pretend to care but I will not listen so why should you?? If I am not enough just say it but goddamn it stop saying lies. Your excuses are bullshit no matter how you twist them. If you can’t allow me to accept the love I think I deserve, then this is going nowhere. It’s going places without direction. It’s pointless, unstable and ridiculous and everything in between. It’s tiring. It’s wasting my time. It’s over, if you know what I mean.

I keep telling myself that.

I could just shut you out of my life for good and you know that. And once it’s done, do me a favor: don’t call again.

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6 thoughts on “Remember.

  1. You need to be happy. How tiring is it to keep on working so hard with zero results? If you deserve better, find better. If he wanted to be with you he would change into that better person he feels that you deserve.

  2. There’s a reason why you just can’t simply shut him off, or out of your life. I can give it a name, but I guess you already have an idea. I think you already know. Anyway, I suppose there’s still a part of you that also still wants a part of him, and I’m not even talking about body parts. 🙂

    1. Love? In one of its’ crazy forms. 😝 You are right about the last bit. Just a part of me, yes, that wants him. Sometimes though I think what I feel is regret because I’ve already invested so much I want it to work so much for as long as I can hold. I don’t think I still love him because I haven’t thought about him for months until he came barging into my space again. Or maybe I still love him, not as intense as before but it’s the fading kind that goes away in terrible bits and pieces everytime I picture the worst parts of what we have become.

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